My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
