Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
