I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I didn't shave. On purpose
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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