you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
