I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
