i already hear my dad disowning me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
