Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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