All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
