i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
