What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
