You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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