Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
