dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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