I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
