I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
