does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
