I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
