She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
