Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The power of my boobs compel you
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
