I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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