You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
