Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
