My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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