Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
