Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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