I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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