Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
