I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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