shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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