he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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