Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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