He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
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