"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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