I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
