Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
