The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
