Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
