That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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