people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
