There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
