I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
