Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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