he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
