be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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