doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
