You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
