she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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