I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
