Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
