Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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